Irina Mlodik read for us Paul Ekman “What to do if the children lie”.

“Children will lie to you. Hello, ”said the son of Ekman Paul Tom, who, together with his father and mother, participated in writing this book. And in his words there is true. The question is whether to put up with this? Most parents cannot come to terms with. But they want to eradicate, remove a lie from a relationship. In any case, they are very demanding of children in this matter. And often do not notice that they lie themselves – children, to each other. And of course, to yourself – at least in the declaration of own truthfulness.

Paul Ekman wrote this book from two positions at once. As a theoretical psychologist, he comprehensively studied the issue of children’s lies and as a parent encountered her in practice. Ekman explains what the tendency to deception depends on, analyzes its causes in detail. And of course, worries about lies of his own children. The psychologist rightly notes that the ability not to lie is based on trust, which changes or destroyed by a lie. The negative attitude of Paul to deceit is shared by his wife, Mary Ann, civilian lawyer. She gives parents valuable tips – what words to choose in order to truthfully inform the child about the accident, divorce or other dramatic events. How to teach children to directly say “no” without inventing excuses. How to finally convey to them the importance of honest relationships in the family.

Oddly enough, the views of their teenage son seem more realistic to me. Although the fact that Tom allows himself to tell about the lie, regardless of the opinion of the father and mother on this issue, means that his relationship with his parents is built just on complete trust.

I am convinced that a lie is sometimes necessary for a person. It allows you to avoid meeting with the fact that it is still unbearable, and hide your shadow sides – weakness, cowardice, cowardice, envy. She protects us from someone else’s invasion or snooping. Finally, a lie signals about distress in relations between people. And for me this, the psychological aspect of lies is even more important than moral. But this is the topic of another book. And the work of Paul Ekman, in general, reaches the goal. She pushes her parents to take a closer look at herself and not pounce on a lodging child with reproaches, but try to understand him. Because most often children deceive those who do not understand them. Or those who are incomprehensible to them. If the child sees that his parents accept him, he will turn in case of trouble or some problems to them. He will not “protect” them from the truth, not believing in the opportunity to agree or get help. In a family where, instead of total control, mutual respect and trust reigns, though it becomes a familiar phenomenon. “.

About the author of the book

Paul Ekman (Paul Ekman) – American psychologist, professor of the University of California at San Francisco (USA), the most authoritative in the world, a specialist in the field of psychology of emotions and interpersonal communication, consultant to the television series “Deceiving Me” (“Lie to Me”), as well as the prototype of his main character, Dr. Laitman. The book “Why Children Lygs” was first published in Russian at the Pedagogy-Press publishing house in 1993. Translation from English Sergey Stepanov. Potorri, 272 from.

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